Words to live by ↓
Now that Easter is over….next up….MOTHER’S DAY! Oh, the joy of Mother’s Day as a Stepmom. I have two kids of my own, so Mother’s Day isn’t as difficult for me as it is for some Stepmama’s out there. I have faith that at some point on Mother’s Day my stepkids thought about me, and I’m good with that in itself.
I know that it’s hard for stepmoms out there that don’t have their own kids, and my heart goes out to you all ♥ You put your love, sweat, and tears into your stepkids and all you want is a little recognition. You’re expected to play mom, but not get any credit on a day that is all about mom because you didn’t give birth to them. Everything about that sucks!
I challenge you NOT to let Mother’s Day get you down this year!
Here are some ideas of how to avoid Mother’s Day gloom:
1) Focus on your Mom that day-Show your mama some love!
2) Plan a day of pampering yourself and show yourself a little love. Hey, you’re a stepmom, and you deserve to be pampered and treated special on Mother’s Day. Plan a spa day for yourself, go shopping for yourself, treat yourself. If nobody else is going to do it, then make it happen for yourself! You deserve it!
3) Do you have other stepmom friends? I think it would be fun to have a little stepmom gathering on this day and celebrate not being celebrated together:) Go to lunch together or drink a bottle (or two) of wine while supporting one another through this day. You’re not alone!
I think the most important thing is to plan it out. You know that this day is coming, and don’t expect anything. Plan for yourself and avoid any sadness or heartbreak that might be attached to this day for you. If you get down in the dumps, know that you are letting other people win and control your day. Don’t allow that to happen!
Cole and Gracie had the first track meet that they both participated in last week. So naturally, we made them take an embarrassing picture together where they look like they get along 🙂
Parenting is the most fun when you get to torture your teens.
How did you and your spouse meet and how long have you been married?
Back in 2013, in our “previous lives” I used to kick my husband’s tail in the gym. I was his personal trainer and bootcamp instructor in our small town! We always knew we were “cut from the same cloth” and that allowed us to be great friends. We were each married at the time, so he stepped into a “big brother” role for me, as he is eleven years older. We lost touch when my family moved away, and unfortunately had both separated from our spouses when we reconnected. He needed help finding a new place, and I had gotten my real estate license. I don’t think we have gone a day since that phone call without speaking. He is the best man I know, and I know MANY great men! We will be married 2 years next week!
How old are each of the children that you brought into the marriage?
We ended up with two brand new sets of twins when we got married, as Jay and I’s children are the same age. Our “bigs” are 13, the “twins” are 10, and my little guy, Cash is 6. He often feels jipped that he doesn’t have a counterpart!
Did you become an instant family?
Jay and I both had blinders on and EXPECTED them to be an instant family; we didn’t want to give them any other option except to love each other. We know now that that was misguided and had to take large steps back and allow everyone to heal at their own pace. I guess we realized a forced family was not what we were looking for, but instead a union that happened organically, one that was their choice. I felt an imaginary cloud clear around the first year mark, and each weekend that we have spent as the seven of us has gotten exponentially better.
What does discipline look like in your home?
I’m very strict, and my husband is sorta strict but more so kind, good, and patient. I hated the way he parented when we first married until I saw the results he got from our children and the way they thrived. Now I strive each day to parent more and more like him. I want to be just like him when I grow up 😉
Biggest blessing in having a blended family?
There are SO many! If I had to pick my favorite, I would say the relationship between our thirteen year olds, a boy and a girl. They are extremely close, and they love each other so much. The girl is mine, and her name is Lily. She is our blended family’s biggest fan, and I am confident that there were days when she was cheering for all of us when I was not. Also, when we are together it sounds like we are having a “kegger” at our place, they are so loud and crazy. They make our life wild and hilarious!
The biggest challenge in having a blended family?
Again, there are SO many! My husband and I have a grace and humility podcast, so the challenges in our family only add amazing content for each episode! So when the Lord told us to consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, we ACTUALLY do! After a few moments of course! Of course, I’m totally kidding, but in a way, this IS the dynamic of our trials! We USE them!
What does Co-parenting look like for you?
My ex-husband is one of my best friends. I’m afraid it makes others feel uncomfortable, but I pray our relationship becomes the norm, and not the rare case, very soon. We speak with each other nearly everyday and work together when we see a problem arise with one of our three children. Usually, however, our calls are sharing the funny thing one of our crazy kids did/said that day. I won’t answer for my husband, but I will share that he and his ex-wife are very much the adults they are needing to be to make the kids thrive.
Any tips you can give other blended families?
Our podcast revolves around a very key principal, “Drop the Rope,” and we feel it can be a game-changer for blended families. A tug-of-war can occur so quickly in each of our relationships, and simply dropping our end of the rope can squash it in an instant. It’s taken us years to figure out, but once we got a taste of the first victory by simply dropping it, we knew that is what we wanted for our family. We saw our children THRIVE, and that as parents is our ultimate goal!
Anything else you want us to know about your family?
We mess up all of the time and are still trying to figure so many things out!! We don’t ever want anyone to feel frustrated or alone in this, as we are right here with you! We want you to know we are here too, cheering you on!!
Thank you Norman Crew for sharing with us! Go check out their podcast: https://www.movingonpodcast.com/
Two thousand eighteen was a good year. Am I happy to see it go…..yes! My husband told me a couple of weeks back that this was one of his best years to date. I don’t know if this was one of my best years, but it wasn’t horrible, and I ‘m glad we survived it together.
I must say that I’m excited for 2019 and what it has to offer. I do have some personal goals that I want to work on this year. My big goal is that I take the time now that I’m settled in this blended living, to make time for other people. It has been about five years since my divorce, and I feel like since that time I have become so consumed in myself, my kids, and then surviving this new life that I’ve created. I finally feel like I can breathe, and now it’s time to be there more for my friends and family outside of my little home. I need to be better about remembering Birthdays and special events; these were all things that I was good at one time in my life. It’s time to get that back! This particular thing has been on my heart for the past few months, so I’m determined to make it happen this year.
I’m excited for 2019, and I adore the tribe of people that I have around me. I’m busy, so I may take a little longer to respond to your questions and comments, but I will respond. I am so grateful for all the kind words, and encouragement I get on this journey. I also can’t tell you how much I appreciate you trusting my advice and asking for it. It’s a continual learning experience for all of us, and I’m grateful that we have one another to bounce ideas off of and to support one another.
I make mistakes daily, but I’m a pretty decent Mom, and I know this. I’m certainly able to admit when and where I’ve made some mistakes along the way. Here is one of my biggest mistakes so far as a parent.
We made the mistake of giving kids cell phones at an early age. I believe my daughter was 9 (possibly eight, but I can’t remember for sure) when I handed her a phone. My ex and I were going through our divorce, and she didn’t feel like she could contact me when she was with her Dad so I thought a phone would solve all the problems. It has helped and been a benefit with her being in sports and needing rides and so on. It has also been a HUGE pain in the ASS!! These kids don’t think they can survive without a cell phone these days. It’s permanently attached to them, and I can’t tell you how annoyed I am by it. My daughter isn’t playing a lot of games on hers, she does text her friends and looks at Pinterest for ideas, and it’s all mostly innocent. When you have kids sitting with their face in a game, with headphones on while watching TV……it’s too much!!
My Stepson received a phone around the same time, so we have two 13-year-olds that have had cell phones for at least four years already.
My daughter is grounded a TON from her cell, I take it away all the time. My SS was grounded from his, and it was the best thing for him!! They can, and they will survive without it.
Most weekends that we have the kids, they don’t get their cell phones. They have to put those things in the drawer and forget about them! Do we have some pissed off teenagers…..you know it! I feel like we wouldn’t be doing our job right if we didn’t have pissed off teens in our house.
The point of this post is to encourage you parents our there to hold off on giving your kids a phone until it’s an absolute must. They don’t need the damn things! They will find a way to get in contact with you if they need to. I’m sure all their friends have a cell; they can borrow someone else’s. Your kids will survive without one, and you will survive without being able to get in contact with them all the freakin time, EVERYONE WILL LIVE!!
Don’t make the same mistake I did. If you’ve already given your kids a phone, remember that you control that thing and you have all the power to take it away or restrict use. Be the parent and good luck in raising kids in such an advanced technological world. It creates an entirely new level of problems in an already trying time of raising children.
♥ The Blended Tribe
♥ The Blended Tribe
Hope you all had a safe and fun 4th of July!! We had our usual neighborhood fun with friends, family, a bike parade, and incredible food. I love our village tribe. We have some pretty amazing people surrounding us 💗💗
❤️ The Blended Tribe
Happy Birthday to our youngest! We are so proud of this little one. She’s an amazing young lady, and she is definitely a bonus in my life. Excited to share this Birthday with you ♥
Tossing the booster ↓ Big day in this house
When I first started this blended family journey, I searched high and low for helpful blogs on remarried families and didn’t have a ton of luck. Now that I’m in the blogging world again and my life is all about blending, I’ve come across some highly addictive and helpful blogs that I would like to share with you all.
↓↓Probably my fave right now. Jamie keeps it real!!
–>>If you need a little encouragement in your blending definitely check out Blendcredible. Find them on IG too. This site keeps me encouraged and positive. Love the vibe he has going. ↓
I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I do ♥ The Blended Tribe ♥