The Blended Tribe

Our Happy Divorce

OUR HAPPY DIVORCE-I didn’t realize there could be such a thing as a happy divorce until I had the joy of reading this book written by once married Nikki DeBartolo and Benjamin Heldfond.

What I enjoy about this book is that it is not written from one person’s point of view. The book has chapters from both Nikki and Ben (divorced) along with their current spouses Chad and Nadia. It was refreshing being able to read from all points of view.

I have to say my favorite chapter of the book was at the end, and it was written by Asher (the son of Nikki and Ben). The life that these four adults have made for this one child is incredibly selfless, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for all four parents. The payoff is in the fruit of their son and how happy and well balanced he is. I love that Asher doesn’t look at himself as having two separate homes, he states in the book that “home is whichever one I’m currently at.” I love that he can feel this way and pray that my stepkids think this way as well.

I highly recommend reading this book. Nikki and Ben’s situation isn’t for everyone, but I sure wish it was. Unfortunately, all parties have to be on the same track. The track needs to be that the kids come first…ALWAYS, and that you put your petty crap behind you and move forward. This thinking is exactly what Nikki, Ben, Chad, and Nadia did and are continually doing, and they are living happier lives for it.

 

 

Click on the link to get your hands on a copy of Our Happy Divorce

You won’t regret reading this book!  Another amazing book about divorce and co-parenting is


 

 

 

 

 

THIS IS US.

Right here is our family, The Blended Tribe. He had two kids, and I had two kids. We turned our two separate families into one blended mess over three years ago now. There is a lot of love and a lot of heartaches that go into keeping a stepfamily together. There is a ridiculous amount of fights over kids and parenting styles. The longer we keep fighting to keep our family together, the better it seems to get.

Why am I telling you all this?!

First of all, I’m reintroducing our tribe to you all. It’s been a while since I’ve shared who we are.

We have the oldest, Cole (Jon’s kid) who just turned 14 and all of a sudden got a personality. This kid has been one of my biggest challenges to figure out. He’s a little quirky, but he has a good heart and is starting to figure out where he belongs in our family.

Then there is Gracie (my kid) who is three months younger than Cole, and you wouldn’t know it. She takes on the role of the oldest for sure. She has an attitude and a personality that I relate to because she’s my kid. She is 100% my child in every way.

AJ (my kid) is next! AJ is ten, and he’s your typical middle child. He went from being the baby to being a middle kid, and that was a hard adjustment for sure. This kid has a temper like no other. He is sick of putting up with the other kids crap, but then he has the biggest heart. He is a kind soul and has the best manners for a ten-year-old.

 

That brings us to the baby Miss Anabelle (Jon’s kid) who is nine. This one!!! She is loving, smart, and she is brave. She doesn’t have a lot of fear, which scares me a little for her. She is kind, but also gets pure joy out of torturing and annoying her older siblings.

The second reason is I want you all to know that this sh*t is hard! I try to keep things as positive as I can because I choose to do that. I can dwell on the negative, but that won’t get any of us anywhere. Raising kids is hard enough, helping raise stepkids in a blended family environment is a whole other level of hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Parenting other people’s kids makes parenting your own kids a walk in the park.

I’m here to listen and encourage you through it. You are going to have the shittiest of times, and then that will all go away when you have those fantastic moments together, these are the moments that make it all worth it.  The reason I started this blog was to help people by sharing my struggles and experiences.  I’m just trying to survive blended living.  I definitely don’t have it all figured out, and NEVER will.  All I know is that I’m a fighter and I want to encourage all of you to keep on fighting for your families!

♥  The Blended Tribe

To read more about us click HERE


 

Girlfriends’ Guide To Divorce

Any of you out there watch this show??  It grabbed my attention while I was going through my divorce.  Season 5 came out and there is some fun blended family action going on now.  Check it out!

 

 

June Update

 

Here is a quick update on what’s going on with us:

•School and sports are over for summer…..thank GOD!

•We moved!  Which means no sleep.  The two young ones are having difficulty adjusting to the new house and all the change.  They aren’t the only ones, though; I don’t handle change all that well either.

•I had a little shift in my job—-> it’s the same job but added on more responsibilities and more hours.

•The kids are gearing up for fair. We are down a pig due to Cole’s pig passing away unexpectedly. Only AJ and Anabelle will be showing this year now.

I think that’s it as far as updates go. The move has taken a lot of our time, and we are hoping that life will settle down a little bit and we can enjoy some our summer. We will see how that works out.

I have some blog posts in the works right now. Keep checking back for those. There’s been lots of blended family chaos in the mix of all this 🙂

 

♥ The Blended Tribe

A Blended Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving we have all four kids!! We decided to take our Turkey on the road. We are celebrating our 2018 Thanksgiving camping!! The older two aren’t thrilled about it, but the younger two are excited….you can’t win them all, right?! We aren’t traveling far, but if this works out, I can see it as our new tradition. We have family coming out to celebrate with us, and we are looking forward to being together and trying something new. Did I mention it might rain 😉 It will be an adventure!

I know how hard the holidays can be within a blended family, and this Thanksgiving I’m truly blessed not to have to worry about an exchange or not having our kids. That’s not the case for all of you this year, and I know that. Keep your chin up, focus on the positive, create new traditions with you your spouse, friends or alone! Don’t sit around being sad over something you can’t control though! Please stay positive, every holiday won’t be this way, and know that I’m thinking about you!!

Hit me up on email brilee4@gmail.com or IG @ the_blended_tribe if you’re having a hard time. You’re not in this alone, and I will do my best to talk you through it!

Click on Holiday Blending to get more tips on surviving this time of year.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST MISTAKES SO FAR AS A PARENT

I make mistakes daily, but I’m a pretty decent Mom, and I know this. I’m certainly able to admit when and where I’ve made some mistakes along the way. Here is one of my biggest mistakes so far as a parent.

We made the mistake of giving kids cell phones at an early age. I believe my daughter was 9 (possibly eight, but I can’t remember for sure) when I handed her a phone. My ex and I were going through our divorce, and she didn’t feel like she could contact me when she was with her Dad so I thought a phone would solve all the problems. It has helped and been a benefit with her being in sports and needing rides and so on. It has also been a HUGE pain in the ASS!! These kids don’t think they can survive without a cell phone these days. It’s permanently attached to them, and I can’t tell you how annoyed I am by it. My daughter isn’t playing a lot of games on hers, she does text her friends and looks at Pinterest for ideas, and it’s all mostly innocent. When you have kids sitting with their face in a game, with headphones on while watching TV……it’s too much!!
My Stepson received a phone around the same time, so we have two 13-year-olds that have had cell phones for at least four years already.

My daughter is grounded a TON from her cell, I take it away all the time. My SS was grounded from his, and it was the best thing for him!! They can, and they will survive without it.

Most weekends that we have the kids, they don’t get their cell phones. They have to put those things in the drawer and forget about them! Do we have some pissed off teenagers…..you know it! I feel like we wouldn’t be doing our job right if we didn’t have pissed off teens in our house.

The point of this post is to encourage you parents our there to hold off on giving your kids a phone until it’s an absolute must. They don’t need the damn things! They will find a way to get in contact with you if they need to. I’m sure all their friends have a cell; they can borrow someone else’s. Your kids will survive without one, and you will survive without being able to get in contact with them all the freakin time, EVERYONE WILL LIVE!!

Don’t make the same mistake I did. If you’ve already given your kids a phone, remember that you control that thing and you have all the power to take it away or restrict use. Be the parent and good luck in raising kids in such an advanced technological world. It creates an entirely new level of problems in an already trying time of raising children.

 

♥ The Blended Tribe


 

August 18th

 

So today marks the day that would’ve been my 17th wedding Anniversary with my ex. Odd to think about that now. I remember this day five years back. I was distraught and sad and didn’t know how I would ever get through life without my ex. Fast forward five years and my how things have changed. I can’t even imagine being with that man and don’t know how I was with him for as long as I was.
The bottom line is that God has a plan for everything. He knew the outcome of our relationship the day we started dating. Everything happens for a reason, and although I don’t wish divorce, co-parenting, stepparenting on anyone, I wouldn’t change what happened or my life now for anything.
It’s hard not to remember this day because we shared an anniversary date with dear family friends. It is nice to finally acknowledge this date for what it was……a season of my life. It was a long season full of good times and bad times, and it was a season that I HAD to go through to get me to this season.
So, I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t go through that season….guess what, it happened, and I have two kids to prove it. I’m not going to be embarrassed or ashamed of that season anymore because I can’t erase my past or what has happened. All I can do is look back at this day and be grateful for where I am now.
If you are going through a divorce now, please know that it will get better! I know right now it doesn’t feel like it, but you are on to bigger and better things. I promise.

♥ The Blended Tribe

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