WHAT I LEARNED FROM MY DIVORCE
This photo was taken during a rough time. A dear friend had me fly to Portland for a visit right in the thick of my divorce. I loved being able to spend time with her and her family, but I was depressing to be around...I was a MESS!!
Going through my divorce was a life-changing experience for me. I feel like I learned so much from it and took so much away from the entire experience. It makes you take a good hard look at yourself. It makes you figure out or guess what and where you went wrong. Here are a few key things that got me through my divorce. I’ve lived through deployments, deaths, illness, but my divorce was by far the hardest thing that I had ever gone through until that point in my life.
These are the things that I took away from going through my divorce:
♦ Don’t blame yourself entirely. It’s not all your fault. Even if you were cheated on, usually you had some contribution to what ended your marriage. Don’t take on all the blame, but be sure to take some of the blame. It takes two to make a marriage work.
♦ Don’t make any crazy life decisions while you’re going through this time. You’re going through some hard stuff, and that’s never a good time to figure out life
♦ Don’t say you’re never going to get married again or be in another relationship!! In fact, don’t ever say you’re NEVER going to do anything, that always seems to bite me in the butt when I use the word never…..seriously ever time.
♦Rely on your family and friends. Relying on other people can be extremely hard for some people. Your friends and family want to help though. Let them help if they can.
♦Don’t rely on alcohol or drugs to get you through. If you start drinking to numb the pain, you’re going to create more problems for yourself. I’m not saying not to have a drink ever because that’s just crazy talk, but don’t let it become a problem.
♦Write things down and journal your experience, what’s happened and how you feel about it. Write it all down!! I haven’t gone back and read through everything yet, but I have skimmed through some of it, and it’s pretty cool to see how far I’ve come and to remember some of the stuff I’ve experienced.
♦ If you have kids, do everything you can to protect your kids and do what’s best for them, even if it’s not the best thing for you. The kids come first.
♦BREATH!! People are going to tell you that you’re going to get through this and it won’t always feel this way, and you probably won’t believe them. I know I didn’t believe any of them, but you won’t always feel this way. Things will get better. You might be surprised at how much better things can get. Breath, you’re going to get through this! It’s going to feel like the slowest process ever, but you’re going to make it through!
→→If you want to hear about my story and how I got here, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org or fill out the contact info below ⇓ and I’ll send it to you. Everybody has a story. I find it extremely helpful to hear what other people have gone through; hearing others stories can be very encouraging and helpful.
Marriage is work, it’s not going to be easy. Don’t get married if you’re not willing to fight for it!
My advice on divorce is to NOT get divorced!! Obviously, I know that divorce happens, and that’s why I started this blog. Do everything in your power to prevent it if possible.
Really though…..I’m watching my kids, and my step kids deal with their parents being divorced and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. It’s not right!! The confusion, depression, anxiety, and all the feelings that we put on these kids is not fair.
I know some of us don’t have a choice in getting a divorce and obviously, if abuse or unfaithfulness has happened, then you don’t stick around for that. It’s important that we nurture our marriages and keep the love and communication going. Don’t get to the point that it’s too late. There are so many resources out there to help with nurturing a healthy marriage. Marriage counseling is always a great idea even if you’re not having problems. I remember going to pre-marital counseling before I got married the first time. It was such a great experience with my soon to be husband…..we probably should’ve kept it going through the marriage. It couldn’t have hurt!
One of my favorite podcast to listen to is Jimmy Evans- Marriage Today.
He focuses a lot on second marriages and blended families.