The Blended Tribe

Best Blended Family Blogs

When I first started this blended family journey, I searched high and low for helpful blogs on remarried families and didn’t have a ton of luck. Now that I’m in the blogging world again and my life is all about blending, I’ve come across some highly addictive and helpful blogs that I would like to share with you all.

↓↓Probably my fave right now. Jamie keeps it real!!

Jamie Scrimgeour

 

The Millennial Stepmom

Blended Together Forever

This Wonderful Life

–>>If you need a little encouragement in your blending definitely check out Blendcredible.  Find them on IG too.  This site keeps me encouraged and positive.  Love the vibe he has going. ↓

Blendcredible

I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I do ♥  The Blended Tribe ♥

Spring Break Regret

The moment you drop your kiddos off with their Dad for spring break and realize you regret letting them go the entire week.  Missing them and it’s only Tuesday!!!!  Not going to lie……I don’t share well.

 

Happy Easter—>Two Days Late

Hope you all had a great Easter!! We had a chaotic early morning with a sunrise service and then dropping off all the kids by 8:00 with their other parents. We rushed to another church to watch three family members get baptized and then Jon and I spent some much needed time alone for the rest of the day. We went to brunch, went on a hike and then laid on the couch watching our new addiction Red Oaks. The day started out crazy and was worth every minute of the craziness getting those last few hours in with the kids. We ended the day with complete relaxation.  Jon and I don’t get much time to ourselves. Even though being alone for part of a holiday feels a little weird for us, it’s not always a bad thing. We had plenty of places we could’ve been that day, and all the invitations were greatly appreciated, but sometimes the two of us need a minute to re-group and get grounded. I’m sure most of you can relate.

 

Our Brave One

Love that she dares to go up and dance by herself in front of a crap ton of people at her school’s talent show. Her Dad was a nervous wreck, and I had my daughter next to me tearing up because of how proud she was of her. She rocked it last night!!

 

Here’s a video:  Hopefully you can watch it, I turned my phone so sorry if you’re watching it sideways 🙂

https://theblendedtribe.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/img_0845-1.mov

Benefits of Journaling

 

I can’t express enough how much I’ve enjoyed journaling throughout the years. I started when I was young, maybe 4th grade and I still have my journals from then. Writing down my thoughts and feelings is a helpful way for me to hash through what I’m going to say before I say it, this is a big deal for me because I have a remarkable gift/curse of being too honest or putting my foot in my mouth. All things I’m working on at the moment.

My love for journaling is most likely why I love to blog. The blog is an electronic journal of my blended life. I can look back and have a visual of what has happened in my life. The good and the bad.

I found this article on the benefits of journaling, and I believe all to be true.

10 Benefits of Journaling

 

We also have a camping journal that we keep in our trailer similar to the one below.  I journal all our camping trips, where we stay, pictures, who we went with and if we think we would want to go back.  FUN-FUN!!

travel journal

Remember: It’s beneficial for the kiddos as well. If you have a kid struggling or a super quiet kid, buy them a cool journal and encourage them to write their thoughts and feelings down.

 

♥ The Blended Tribe

 

***affiliate links included in this post.


 

Blended Family: From a Husband’s Point of View

**DISCLAIMER** The statements in this post are solely my opinions and are not of or directed at the character of any individual(s).  They are simply my perceptions of my own experiences as a parent/stepparent in a blended family and are in no way, shape or form associated with any past or present grievances with any person(s) involved in our family dynamic- either directly or indirectly. If you happen to be reading this and take offense to it, understand that it is about me, not you, and is intended to help other men in the same situation feel like they are not alone.

 

We all know that divorce is a bummer.  It tears at the fabric of family, destroys our perceptions of love and commitment, wounds our children and depletes our resources.

 

Fortunately, there is life after divorce.  In my case, I remarried and took on two more children than I had before. Life is not without its challenges, but at the end of the day, I feel whole.  I love being a family man, so my situation suits me.

 

When we first “blended”, I had it in my head that we were going to immediately gel- no delays, and no hiccups.  What a sucker I was.   While our life is mostly great, and our kids truly love each other, we are a far cry from the Brady Bunch. Let me break down a couple of the speed bumps I’ve experienced:

  1. My kids and I are intruders. In a nuclear family, children are raised from birth with a set of routines and customs that are formed by the combined efforts of the birth parents.  In our case, my wife has her kids 90%+, which means they are with us more than my kids at 50%.  Additionally, WE moved into the house THEY already occupied.  THEY now share rooms that were once their own.  WE have introduced routines and customs that are foreign, and seldom welcome. It often seems like half the kids feel like their home has been infiltrated, and the other half feels like they are visitors as opposed to residents.
  2. I am not Dad. I may provide a significant portion of the household income.  I may cook meals, coach teams, help with homework, teach life lessons…… you get it.  I may even raise my wife’s kids 300 days out of the year. Heck, I love them enough that I would sacrifice my life for theirs without blinking.  At the end of the day, nothing I can ever do will actually make me their Dad.  What do I mean? Well, first of all, when they went through the divorce, Mom became the one and only safe haven and authority figure the kids had.  Also, every new routine or custom I introduce only serves as a reminder that I am in no way, shape, or form one of the parents they were born with.
  3. Parents are protective. I’d wager my wife and I aren’t the only parents who get a little protective and defensive when it comes to step-parent criticism or discipline.  Some families are on the same page and take on very conventional roles, while others- like us- struggle with the way our spouses treat our kids and raise their own.
  4. Out of home parents can sometimes suck. Let’s face it, we were all hoping for the perfect situation where we get remarried, blend families and create a brand-new (and upgraded) life for ourselves, our kids and our step-kids.  Then comes the ah-s**t! moment, when we realize that there are people out there who aren’t happy for you and don’t want to see your vision come to fruition.  This topic could take up a post of its own (you know what I mean) so I’ll just move on.  

 

Over the last two years, I’ve learned some valuable lessons from all of this.  The first is that God is looking out for my wife and kids, too.  He’s not going to let me screw this up too bad for them so long I lean on Him to get through it.  Secondly, the sooner I come to terms with reality, the faster I will adjust to it, and my kids will follow suit.

 

The next thing is that I need to humble myself every day and stay flexible.  I have a new wife, two new kids, and two kids that have a life equally spent outside of our home. I have to respect that we are all navigating these waters together and while my wife and I are co-captains, the kids also need roles that make them feel significant and a part of the process.

 

As our church pastor puts it, spouses need to try and hear one another with loving ears and speak to one another with loving words.  What my wife thinks is best for my kids and what I think is best for hers can be really hurtful if shared and heard the wrong way. I used to think couples counseling was the launching pad for divorce.  But this time around, it is a Godsend.  Having a professional translate for us while we are still learning to speak each other’s languages has been pretty significant.

 

Allowing myself to get worked up over the behavior, attitude, involvement (or lack thereof) etc. of the out of home parents only drives a wedge between me and my wife, and puts our kids in the middle of situations they already don’t understand.  Don’t waste time trying to change things out of your control.  Focus on your own home, be above reproach with your custody agreement, and remember that your kids love those people too.

 

Last but not least, the most valuable lesson I’ve learned is to count my blessings.  I have a smokin’-hot, intelligent and talented wife who loves and supports me, four healthy children who love and laugh at me, a fulfilling career that helps to support us all, and family experiences that are piling up every day. All of that makes every humbling, frustrating and challenging moment worth the effort.

 

 

 

 

 


Love you, babe!  Thanks for sharing ♥

Nacho Kids

nacho kids

I stumbled upon the stepfamily FB group page call nachokids a couple of days ago. It’s a step parenting style of not parenting your stepkids; you’re more of a friend than a parent to them.
I went and checked out their website after joining the Facebook group, and I think it’s worth checking out. I’m not sure this style of stepparenting would work for us, but it’s fascinating to see how well it works for everybody on there.

Here’s the link to the website:

http://www.nachokids.org

I’m curious as to your thoughts about this blended family style?? Would/Does it work for you?


 

Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary babe. Two years down!! I know that’s not a long time, but it feels like a lifetime already. We’ve been through so much in the last few years together. We leaned on one another through the hardest time of our lives, and we made it through and ended up together. Now, as we have the challenging task of raising a blended family together, we seem to pull through and become stronger each day. I know there are so many challenges ahead of us, but I believe in us.

I wouldn’t want to do life with anyone else. I love you and here’s to us!  ♥


 

BE GRATEFUL FOR THE CHALLENGE

Challenge

I listened to a great message yesterday. It hit me hard especially after having a very revealing week. We went to our counseling session on Tuesday, and it was a doozy for me. The counselor finally asked me a little about my past marriage, and after explaining it to her, it ended in her telling me some fascinating things about my previous relationship and what I’m suffering with now as a result of it. I’ll share more about this in another post. It hit me pretty hard though, and I’ve kept quiet for a little bit after finding out the information that I did.  Just need some time to reflect and wrap my head around it all.

Fast forward to church yesterday…….we had a guest speaker. He started talking about how the things that are crippling in our lives are in fact the things that we need to be most thankful about. He was basically saying that the people in our lives that have wronged us are the people that we are learning the most from. The most challenging people that we deal with are the people that are helping us grow and learn. My husband and I had to laugh out loud in church because right away we both know who challenges me the most right now and to start looking at this person as a blessing from God, isn’t the most natural thing to do right at the moment, I’m going to try though.

So, thinking about your past, you can probably quickly think about the people in your life that have wronged you, hurt you, challenged you. Instead of wishing you never would’ve come into contact with that person, be grateful that you did. For through that person you were taught something or are being taught something. It’s a complete shift in thinking. I challenge you to try it and see what happens in your life!

♥ The Blended Tribe


 

DON’T GET PLAYED BY YOUR KIDS!

When your step kid talks crap about the weekend with his other parent, we tell him to stop talking badly about his other parent, and he says “it’s ok because he does the same thing about us when he’s not with us.”
What’s the problem here?!?! We’ve known all along about the crap talking, but hearing him admit it is nice I guess.
DON’T GET PLAYED BY YOUR KIDS!! If they are talking crap to you about the other parent, chances are they are talking crap about you too. Kids are going to try to use any angle they can get. The best way to deal with this situation is to stop them! They have no business being disrespectful to the other parent. You need to let them know you’re not going to tolerate it. We try to turn whatever they are saying into a positive thing. That way we are letting them vent still, but trying to make the child see the positive in what the other parent was trying to do. Or you just stop them and tell them they have no business being disrespectful to another adult, especially their parent. You choose!! Whatever you do, don’t play into it and don’t get played by your kids!

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