The Blended Tribe

I Still Struggle With This.

The lonely road to dropping the kids off this Christmas morning, it was a ghost town out there.

Dealing with divorce

We had an entire day planned today, but our day didn’t go as planned.

I was going to write another post today and share all of our Christmas pictures from the last few days. We did have a great Christmas this year. That changed quickly though……the one part of the divorce that I will NEVER get used to is having to share my kids during the Holidays. It’s not natural to not share these special days with the ones you love most, and who do you care for more than your children?!? I’m not saying that I don’t want my kids to be with their Dad for Christmas because that’s not it! I just don’t want to be without them! It was a long forty-five-minute drive dropping them off this morning. A little too much time to think. The kids will be with their Dad for a week. I had posted earlier about kids maybe needing time to adjust when getting home after being with their other parents, well I think I need an adjustment period when they are going to be away from me for so long.

Here are the only helpful tips I can give you if you’re going through a similar situation:
1) Give yourself a little time if you need it. Not too much time though. Your kids are alive, and this is your hang up, so you need to quickly move on.
2) After you’re done taking the time you need, keep yourself busy, busy, busy! Hang out with friends, get those extra chores around the house done, go shopping, take that yoga class. Do whatever you need to do to keep yourself busy.
3) Stay positive! I was telling Jon that having to split the Holidays will have us ready for sharing Holidays when the kids are grown and they have families of their own. We’re one step ahead.  Try finding the positive in the situation no matter what it is.

That’s all I got….

Holiday Blending

img_2640

Tis the season to be jolly right?!? Not for all families! The Holiday’s can be extremely tough on blended families.

Here are some tips to get you through the Holidays:

1) Plan ahead. You know when you do and don’t have your kids. Make sure that you plan the month out and be organized and prepared.

2) Be flexible. Although you need to plan out your month according to your parenting agreement, some things just aren’t going to be at your scheduled time with the kids; this goes both ways. Try to be as flexible as possible with the kid’s other parents without messing up your schedule. Everyone has important activities that they want to do during the Holidays so keep an open mind to that.

3) Have a good attitude. Stay positive and don’t let drama get you down or ruin your mood. Focus on your family and the true meaning of Christmas.

4) Make new traditions. It’s fun to make new traditions that your blended family will come to know and appreciate. Get creative and even if some of the kids “act” like they aren’t into it, they will probably be the first ones asking to do it the next year. At least that’s what usually happens around here. Along with making new traditions make sure you respect any existing traditions that are important to the kids or your spouse.

5) Be sensitive. Realize that the kids have a lot of non-stop activity going on during this time of year. Parent’s trying to cram traditions and activities in half the time with their kids. The kids might be a little worn down and overstimulated. Try to have extra patience and understanding during this time.

 

Blended Family

 

img_2641

No Fishing Zone

 

images

Fishing for information out of your kids about the other parent or what happened at the other parent’s house while they were with them is a big NO-NO!  It makes things uncomfortable for the kids, and honestly, it does YOU no good.  I”m not saying I haven’t learned this the hard way but I did figure out very early on that I don’t need to know EVERYTHING that happens when my kids aren’t with me.  It’s something that I had to come to terms with and as a mother, that’s not easy, but I now know that I’m better off for it.  All of our kids know that they can come and talk to us about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.  We are always here for them, and we will be as honest and straightforward with them as much as allowed.

A long time back, I decided that I don’t want or need to know and let me tell you, it felt so good. I know people that will social media stalk and hound their kids for any information about the other parent. If you are one of these people…..STOP right now!! Naturally, you want to make sure your children are safe and being well-cared. Keep an open and well-communicated relationship with your children and trust me, they will tell you when things aren’t right all on their own. When they do tell you things, you then have to come up with a neutral response or try to listen without forcing your opinions in on the matter. Also, please never show emails or texts between you and your ex to your children. There’s no need to put kids in the middle of grown-up situations. Their not ready to be dealing with these things and kids these days already have so much drama on their plates, they don’t need their parents/step-parents adding to that.

Forgive & Move On

“Forgiveness doesn’t make them right, it makes us free.”

Forgive and move on

The quicker you can let yourself get to the point of letting go, the better off you’ll be.  It took me a bit and my biggest problem was thinking that by forgiving it meant that I was condoning or that I had given in.  Nope, not true!  It’s the most freeing thing in this world.

%d bloggers like this: